The teacher gave the class a sentence for Conjugation.

‘I have a gold mine.’
One student answered, “I have a gold mine, we have a gold ours, you have a gold yours. He has a gold his, they have gold theirs.’

A Chinese boy was reading a book on English etiquette.
He attended a party given by an English lady. While departing he said to her.

“Thank you, sir, or madam, as the case may be.”

Peter was taking the roll-call the gate of heaven.
Whenever a name is called, the person answered,
“That’s me.” After a few persons, one arrival answered
“That’s I”. Peter muttered, “Who is this bloody English Professor!”

Teacher: You in the last bench; give me two pronouns.
Inattentive Student: (Puzzled) who? me?
Teacher: Right, sit down.

Business Man: “Yesterday Morning I engaged a new secretary and I had to send her away the same day”.
Friend: “Why?”
Business Man: “When I asked her to sit for dictation, she looked around for a chair.”

Attendant: “Please, Sir, I think you are wanted on the phone.”

Accountant: “What makes you think so?”

Attendant: “Well, Sir. The voice at the other said,” Hello, is that you, old idiot?”

A Bookseller put an advertisement in a newspaper:

“What every girl should know best before she weds. Profusely illustrated.
Instructions in details.”
Thousands applied and received a Cookery – book each.

On her son’s 17th birthday, his mother told him that she realized he would probably start smoking soon.

“Promise you’ll tell me yourself,” she begged, “Instead of letting me hear it from the neighbours.”

“Don’t worry about me, Mom,” he said, “I quit smoking a year ago.”

A young mother (telling a visitor about her baby): “He is eating solids now-keys, bits of newspapers, pencils.”

A Pirate and a sergeant were charged with striking an officer.

The sergeant told how the colonel,  while inspecting the troops, had stepped on his sore foot.

“It was blind instinct,” said the sergeant. “I threw up my guard, like anyone would do, and let him have it before. I realized what was happening. It was an accident, and I’m sorry.”

Then the Pirate was requested to give his explanation. “Well, you see, sir,” he replied, “when I saw the sergeant strike the colonel, I thought the war was over.”