The same boy complained on the second day of his school

“My teacher is undependable. Yesterday she said three times four equals twelve. To-day she says two times six is twelve!”

The shortest conversation on record- Scene : A River Bank Fishing ?”

“No, Drowning worms”

Two men were discussing an acquaintance or theirs.

“How come he talks so fast?”

“No wonder” said his friend. “His Grand-Father was a political leader, his father was an auctioneer and his mother was a woman.”

A man had his bellyful at the restaurant and when the waiter brought the bill, said, “Well, I’m sorry, but I just haven’t got any money to pay the bill.”

“Oh, it’s all right,” said the waiter, “We’ll just write your name on the wall, and you can pay the next time you come in.”

“Hey, don’t do that,” the man protested, “Everybody who drops in will come to know about it.”

“No, nobody would, “said the waiter, “Your over-coat will be hanging over it.”

One woman to another. “Of course, I don’t believe in this astrology nonsense. We virgos are not easily taken in.”

A fellow was stopped by a police officer who said, “You’re going to get summons for speeding”. The fellow said, “Well, I was doing 55 KM an hour.”

A policeman replied, “Actually, you were doing 65KM in a 45 KM area.”

“No, said the motorist, “I was doing only 55.”

At that point his wife popped up and said, “Don’t argue with my husband when he has been drinking.”

In the congregation of a church during Sunday morning service was a young bride, whose husband was an usher. Becoming terribly worried about having left the roast in the oven, she wrote a note to her husband , sending it to him by another usher.

The latter, thinking it was a note of the pastor, hurried down the aisle and laid it on the pupil. Stopping abruptly in the middle of his sermon to read the note, the astonished pastor saw this written injunction. “Please go home and turn off the gas.”

My wife’s voice has improved now.

“How is that?”

“Some time back her voice was being heard in the house only. Now it is being heard in the whole street.”

“If you give food to a starving dog, it will not bite you back. That is the difference between a man and a dog.” (Mark Twain)

“Call me a taxi.” said the oldman.

“Okay,” said the domain, “You are a taxi. But you look more like a truck to me.”