A Rival of the celebrated 17th-century preacher, Father Bourdalone, boasted, “When Father Bourdalone preached in Rouen, he caused a great disorder there. Craftsmen left their shops, physicians left their patients, and so on. I preached there the following year and put everything back in order.”

Boss: “James, what does this mean? Someone just called me on the telephone and said you were sick today and couldn’t come to work.”

Employee: “Ha, ha! The joke’s on him. He wasn’t supposed to ring up until tomorrow.”

The taxi screeched to a half. From the back seat, a man’s voice said,

“Hey, keep going bud,”

“I thought I heard somebody tell me to stop,” the cabbie said,

“Keep driving pal,” the man said, “She wasn’t talking to you.”

 

“What’s your uncle ?”

“A cannibal.”

“Just a minute. Don’t you know that a cannibal lives on other people ?”

“That’s my uncle. He has been living on us for twenty years.”

“Why is it that you fat fellows are always good-natured?”

“You see, we can neither fight nor run.”

The patient was on a death-bed. The doctor said, “You are going to die. Do you have any last wish?”

The patient groaned, “Yes, call another doctor.”

Boxer: “Isn’t it a long distance from the dressing room to the ring ?”

Opponent: “Yes, but you won’t have to walk back.”

 

Minister (to Municipality Inspector):  “There is a dead ass in front of my house.

MPL Inspector: “I thought you ministers took care of the dead.”

Minister: We do. But we first inform their relatives.”

Customer: “Why did you get rid of that pretty girl ?”

Chemist: “Yes, all my customers were complaining that a smile from her was more than                          a  tonic ! “

Lily: “He says I’m the most beautiful girl he has ever seen in this town.”

Friend:  “And you still want to marry that man who is telling lies right from the                                    beginning ?”