In the movie theatre a newly married couple was so loudly that the whole audience was getting disturbed. At last a man from the hind row spoke out. “Beg pardon, but I can’t hear a word!”

“Is that so?” snapped the husband. “Is it your business what I tell my wife ?”

 

So your son is an undertaker? I thought you said he was a doctor.”

“No, I said – he followed the medical profession.”

Mr.Jones was complaining to her doctor that his bill was unreasonably high.

“Don’t forget, ” he reminded her, “that I  made three visits to your house while your son had measles.”

“And don’t forgot,” she countered, “that he infected the entire school.”

Hitler didn’t trust the reports he had been getting, that the people were still loyal to him. One evening he disguised himself and went to a movie house. Soon the news reel went on. The announcer said, “And now the latest picture of our great leader.” The picture of Hitler flashed on the screen. With one motion, the audience rose in salute, ” Long Live Hitler!” they shouted.

Hitler was so pleased with the response that he forgot to get up. The man behind him tapped him on the shoulder and whispered. “I know how you feel about the bastard, but you’d better stand up or the police will get you.”

A man was fiercely arguing that Shakespeare  had never written those plays.

1st Man: I don’t believe Shakespeare has written all those plays. I believe Queen Elizabeth I has written them.

2nd Man: Do you think, a woman could have written such great plays!

1st Man: You miss my point. First I’m going to prove that Queen Elizabeth was a man.                         Then I will prove ‘he’ has written those plays.

 

A woman speaker delighted a dinner club

by announcing. “Miss Sheila is our only

speaker to day. The rest of the programme is entertainment.”

A colliegeate damsel named Breeze,

weighted down by B.A’s and Litt. D’s

Collapsed from the strain

Alas, it was plain

She was killing herself, by degrees.

The bottle of perfume that Willie – sent

was highly displeasing to Millicent.

Her thanks were so cold.

That they quarrelled, I’m told

Through that silly scent Wille sent Millicent.

A film producer recalled, To keep up morale in  my staff and to fool rival producers and the theatrical reporters – I always instructed managers of road companies to add three hundred dollars to their nightly reports of box office.”

“I got a report once- only theatre in town burned to the ground this afternoon. No performance. Receipts $300.”

Most of us must have read Oliver Goldsmith’s poem “Elegy on the Death of the Mad Dog.” A mad dog bites a man. A few days later the dog dies, and the man lives on.