Visitor: Is your master in?

Servant: What do you want ?

Visitor: It’s about a bill ….

Servant: Sorry, he left for his village yesterday.

Visitor: …. I had to pay him.

Servant: “But he returned this morning. Please come in.”

A plumber did some repairing work in a teacher’s house. But the teacher did not pay the bills for some days. The plumber phoned the teacher about it. The teacher said, ” I wanted to pay you only after making sure that the job you’d done would last.”

The plumber asked, ‘When will you get your payment if that is the system applied for you ?”

The teacher laughed and paid the bill once.

A man came to a Newspaper office and gave an advertisement. He proposed to award Rs.10,000-/- to anyone who traced his wife’s pet cat that has been missing. The advertising manager said, I can understand your affection for your wife. But isn’t that reward a little high for a cat ?”

The man replied, “I know. But no one will claim it. I’ve drowned the cat myself.”

Two General insurance agents were exchanging ideas. The first one said, “I collected a handsome amount out of fire insurance.”

The other said, ” I collected more out of flood insurance.”

The first one felt confused and asked “Hey, Chum, how do you start a flood?”

A doctor made a house ,- call. The patient said, “Sir, I never knew you made house-calls.

The doctor said, “I had to see a case in the neighbourhood, So I thought I would see you too , killing two birds with one shot.”

Voltaire praised a man, That man always abused Voltaire. A friend came to Voltaire and said”, The man whom you praised is speaking poorly of you.”

Voltaire replied calmly, “Perhaps both of us are wrong !”

Gardener to Young man: “What are you looking for?”

Young Man (Biology Student): I’m looking for Flora and Fauna.

Gardener: “Out, I say, out, you and your girlfriends.”

Physics Lecturer: (explaining Archimedes Principles) What happens when a body is immersed in water ?

Inattentive Student: The phone rings, Sir.

Father: (to his son’s teacher) How is my boy doing in History. I was never good at it in my school days.

Teacher: I’m afraid History is repeating itself.

A man was selling guitars and guns in his shop. A customer remarked that it was a strange combination of goods that he was selling. The man replied, “No Sir, one man comes and buys a guitar. A few days later one of his neighbours come and buys a gun.”