A tourist asked the receptionist at a hotel, “What time do you serve meals?”

“Well, ” the receptionist replied, ” Breakfast is from 7 to 11.30, lunch from

12 to 3 and dinner from 6 to 9.30.”

The tourist shook his head and said to his wife, “Doesn’t leave much time for sightseeing, does it?”

A father called his three sons aged 16, 13 and 11 years and asked them to promise that they would not smoke till they attain the age of 21 and offered Rs. 500/- each if they made the promise.

The eldest son heartily promised then and there. The second son wanted sometime to think over. The third one mumbled “Daddy, you should have made the offer a year ago.”

A colleague was away during lunch-break.  Two other colleagues of his wanted to play a joke on him. They drew the face of a donkey on the coat left behind by him on the chair.

The first man returned and observed the figure. Then he said “Who was wiping his face on my coat while I was away?”

A Foreign tourist was presented with a very elaborate menu card in a very ‘chic’ Parisian restaurant. The foreigner who do not know a single word of French, called the waiter, and pointing to the last line in the menu card, said. “I will have this.”

“You can’t sir, said the waiter, because she is the proprietress.”

A lady was eating apples regularly. A friend asked her why she was eating so many apples.

The lady said, “That doctor fellow is in love with me and pestering me to marry him. So I am eating apples. As you know, “an apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

I am eating many, to keep the doctor firmly away.”

As he lay on death bed he spoke. “Laxmi, I want you to know before I die that Mohan, the tailor owes me Rs. 200 and Ram the butcher owes me Rs. 300”. His wife turned to the children and said, “What a wonderful man your father is. Even when he is dying he has got brains to realize who owns him money.”

The old man continued, ” And Laxmi, I want you to also know that I owe the landlord a hundred rupees.” To which his wife cried, “Oh, no, now he is delirious !”

A Boxing match was going on. Among the spectators was a man who was cheering the boxers with words of encouragement.

“Hit him in the face”, “Break his jaw.”

Another spectator was amused and asked him, “Are you so much interested in boxing?”

The man said, “No, I’m the local dentist.”

A man complained about his guest’s snoring.

The man exclaimed, “I never knew I snore! I am married for 5 years and my wife never complained.”

The man replied, “Well, I heard Love is Blind. But now I understand Love is deaf too.”

A foreign visitor, visiting England said something about his wife. He had no children. He said his wife was ‘inconceivable’. People laughed. Then he said, ‘No, I mean she was unbearable’. Again people laughed. Then he said, No, I mean she was unbearable.’ Again people laughed. Then he said, ” What I mean is she is impregnable.” Again the people laughed.

Then the visitor said, “My relationship with English corresponds to my relationship to my wife. I love her, but I have no control over her”.

“I say, is it permissible to smoke here?” the English visitor asked the New York bus driver.

“No”, answered the driver.

“That’s funny,” said the Englishman, “then where did all these cigarette butts in the aisle come from”?

“Those”, the driver replied, “came from people who didn’t ask questions”.