A busy doctor, once took his five year old Jack, along for a ride in his motor-car to the hospital. Afterwards his wife asked their son if he had enjoyed it. “It was fine”, replied Jack. “A nice man on a motorcycle stopped us and wrote father a prescription.”
Teenage daughter
A father was pleasantly surprised to see his teenage daughter answer the telephone and hang up after talking for only 20 minutes instead of an hour. He congratulated on keeping the conversation so brief and asked her which of her which of her friends co-operated.
“That wasn’t a friend, “she said, “It was a wrong number.”
Tongue Twister
Bobby had a hard time pronouncing the letter “r” so his teacher gave him a sentence to learn: “Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.”
A few days later she asked Bobby to repeat the sentence. He said:
“Bob gave a Dick a poke in the side for not cooking the bunny enough.”
A man with the Car Insurance
A rich man’s car met with an accident and he went to the Insurance Company for claiming damages.
Insurance Agent: “We won’t pay you any money, but will replace your car.”
Rich Man: “Well that’s all right in this case. But if that is the way you do things, I want to cancel the policy on my wife.”
Wife’s Dream
“I dreamt last night that you bought me a necklace. What does that mean, dear? asked the wife.
“Wait till the evening,” her husband replied.
She expectantly waited for her husband in the evening. He promptly came home with a packet under his arms and handed it over to her.
She anxiously opened the packet and found a book inside entitled “Dreams and their significance.”
Value of Time
Einstein was once asked why all the motions of the universe are relative and not absolute.
Einstein replied. “My friend, when you sit with a nice girl for an hour, you think it is a minute.
But when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it is an hour, Relatively ?”
Ailing man
“Where am I?” the ailing man waking from a long fit of fever and feeling the soothing touch of feminine hand. “Where am I, in heaven?”
“No dear, ” Coo’d his wife, “I’m still with you.”
Three passengers
The plane had three passengers – a Boy scout, a bishop and a pseudo – intellectual – when the pilot warned of an impending crash.
“Unfortunately”, he said, “We have only three parachutes. I must take one, so that I can report the accident.”
“And I must have one,” said the intellectual, “because I have a great contribution to make for the mankind.” He jumped out with the pilot.
The bishop turned to the scout. “My son,” he said “I’ve had along life. yours lies ahead. Take the last parachute – and good luck.”
“Don’t worry, your grace, ” said the scout. We’ve got the parachutes.
The intellectual has taken my haversack (backpack) instead of parachute.”
A Cricketer
After being injured in a cricket match the sportsmen went to a doctor who put three stitches in the wound.
“That’ll be twenty rupees,” the doctor told him.
“Twenty rupees!” Screamed the injured one “for three stitches?”
“That’s right,” said the doctor.
“Thank God, you are not my tailor.”
Fire service man
A fire service man was carrying down a beautiful dame, from a burning building.
The lady said “It requires great courage and physical strength to rescue me like this.”
The man replied, “Yes madam, I had to knock down two of my colleagues to get the chance of rescuing you.”
English Jokes - a compilation by CRM 