During an election in India a candidate got only three votes. On knowing it his wife demanded angrily. “I always suspected there was another women in your life, else you would have received only two votes. Who is she?”

Some Jawans in a camp were unable to extract leave from the tricky officer who always wanted to talk the Jawans out their plan. If a Jawan said if he wanted to see his aligning mother, he would say that he himself  never went to see his own ailing mother. If a Jawan wanted to go for his sister’s wedding he would say he couldn’t attend his own sister’s marriage.

Finally a Jawan applied for leave and got it. The others asked him how he managed it. He said, “I told him that my wife eloped and my mother wanted to see me about it.”

Four Rail-passengers were discussing the losses incurred by Railways.

One said, “I think it is due to the bad management.”

Another said, ” It might be due to the pilferage.”

The third said, “It is due to the old equipment.”

The fourth one said, “It is due to late running of trains.”

Meanwhile somebody remarked that the ticket – inspector was coming.  All the four ducked under the seats.

Housewife     :  “I’ve told you. I don’t want a dictionary, I already have one.”

Salesman      :  “But I don’t see it anywhere in your bookshelf.”

Housewife     :  “It’s there on the table.”

Salesman      :  “Oh, lady, you can’t  fool me. It’s the Bible.”

Housewife  (with astonishment) : “How do you say so !”

Salesman      :  “By the dust on it.”

The first mate of the ship, who was inclined to drink too much, happened to see in the ship’s log one day this unfortunate item: “The mate was drunk today.” No matter how he pleaded with the captain to change the sentence, the head man clung steadfastly to his resolve to let the record stand.

Sometime later it became the mate’s duty to note the day’s happening in the log. Remembering the permanent wrong done by him a few pages back, the mate wrote: “The Captain was sober today .”