“What is the difference between a debtee and a debtor?” the economics teacher asked his class.
The student said,” The former has a better money than the latter.”
Chemistry Professor
Chemistry Professor: Come on, give me the answer.
Student: It’s on the tip of my tongue. But I am unable to say it.
2nd Student: Give it out, man , Quickly. If you don’t, you will die – it’s arsenic!
Lecture by leader
A leader was invited to speak in a school.
“It gives me great pleasure to see your smiling faces. Why is it, My Dear Girls and Boys, you are all so happy?”
The reason we are so happy, replied one of the front row lads. “is if you talk long enough. We won’t have History Class today.”
Train’s departure
The time of a train was changed from 2.02 to 1.58. This is how the English professor announced in the class. The train’s departure has been changed from two two to two to two.
Electric heater
Notice on a malfunctioning electric heater connected to a metal bucket, “Caution – anybody who touches the bucket when the heater is on, may have to kick it as well.”
Official Inspector
A senior official inspecting a factory pointed to a notice which read, “Smoking is a offence.” “That should read, Smoking is an offence.” he remarked.
“We deliberately made the mistake, Sir, “ replied an officer, “so that people would read the notice.”
Maid
A maid was confiding to a friend. ” I do house work and take care of a large family.”
“How large a family?”
“Well, let’s see – there are four boys, three girls, one adult, and one adultress.”
Landlord
A Landlord wrote to one of his tenants, asking him to vacate the premises he was occupying, in three months. He received this brief reply
“Dear Sir, I remain, yours faithfully.”
Proper medicines
A patient approached the doctor and said, “Sir, my people think that you are not giving me proper medicines.”
The doctor angrily replied, “They are fools. They will know the truth after the postmortem.”
Bernard Shaw’s Judgement
Once Bernard Shaw said to his wife. “Whatever people might say ultimately there is no doubt that men are superior in judgement to women.” His wife smiled and said. “Yes, it is quite evident in your choice of marrying me and my choice in marrying you.”
English Jokes - a compilation by CRM 