An airline company launched a special program to popularize itself. It offered a free trip to every man’s wife, if the man traveled by their plane. The offer became popular and many couples made use of it.
After some time the airline company addressed letters to the wives of the passengers, “Please write to us how you enjoyed the free-trip on our planes.”
All replies were identical and contained only one line,” What free – trip ?”
Friend’s reaction
A man proudly showed his newly acquired car to a friend.
He said, “Now, do you think that any-body would know it is a second – hand car?”
The friend replied, “No, Anybody would think that you have made it yourself.”
Battleship
Two men, slightly inebriated, boarded a double-decker bus.
There was a Naval officer behind them. Tom went upstairs-leaving.
Bill to pay the fares – Bill turned to the Officer and offered to pay the fares.
“My good man,” said the officer, I am a Naval Officer, not a conductor.”
“Hey, Tom !” he shouted, “Come down, We’re on a battleship!”
Man’s reputation
A woman once took a white sari to have it dyed black, She wore it for a time and then went back to the dyer and asked him to have it dyed white.
But the dyer told her : “A piece of cloth is like a man’s reputation; it can be dyed black, but it cannot be made white again.
Liquor Prohibition
A politician was asked, “Are you for or against drink ?”
The politician replied, “If you mean sir, the devil’s brew the causes an untold of car accidents each year, that costs the public dearly through loss of work, that causes men to fight with their neighbours, wives to leave their husbands, men to lose their jobs, self-respect and dignity, then, I, sir, am strongly against it.”
Getting no response, he continued, “But if you mean the bottled spirits that give men temporary relief from the cares of the world, ease the aches and pains of the aged, bring men together in fellowship, provide work for thousands of farmers, distillers, bottlers, shippers and store-keepers, the mellow brew that bring in needed tax money and helps pay for defence, education and many other good things in life, then I, sir am for it.”
Simple Talking
“Well, he said, in promulgating your esoteric cogitations and articulating superficial, sentimental and psychological observations beware of the platitudinous ponderosity. Let your extemporaneous decantations and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibilty and veracious Veracity without rodomontade and thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pusiallanimous vacuity, pestiferous profanity and similar transgressions.
“Or to put it a bit differently,” he concluded smilingly, “talk simply naturally, and above all, don’t use big words.
Toy’s Trader
Trade soared at a toys shop after this sign was placed in the window.
“A free gift will be sent to your child whether you buy or not “.
“Do you really keep your promise ?” asked one mother.
“Certainly, madam. Every time a parent buys some thing from us was send their children our interesting game.”
“And for children whose parents walk out with out buying ?”
“We send a drum.”
Bill at store
A department store received the following letter from couple to whom the billing department had written, requesting payment of a long overdue bill:
“Gentlemen : We have received you letter of the 23rd and would like you to know we have divided our creditors into three groups.
1. Those who will be paid promptly.
2. Those who will be paid some time.
3. Those who never be paid.
You will be happy to know that because of the friendly tone of your letter, we promoted you from Group 3 to Group 2.”
Kitten
“Daddy,” asked the small boy on the bus, “Is my kitten a man or woman?”
His father replied calmly, “A man.”
The boy said,, “But how can you tell?”
As everyone on the bus listened eagerly, the father explained casually, “Because he has whiskers.”
Bull
Hiker : “Can I catch the 6:45 train if I cut through this field of yours?”
Farmer: “If my bull sees you, you might catch the 6:15 train .”
English Jokes - a compilation by CRM 