The Teacher explained to the students. “If you come across a new world, repeat it to
yourself a number of times. Very soon the word becomes your own for life.” One of
the boys started mumbling quickly, “Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth …. “

While a judge was trying a case, he was disturbed by a young man in the rear of the
room, lifting chairs and looking under things.
“Young man,” said the judge “What all the noise about ?”
“Your honour,” replied the young man, “I’ve lost my overcoat, and I’m trying to find it.”
“Well,” said the judge, People often loose whole suits in here without making any
disturbance.”

A professor of chemistry, though good at his subject, was weak in English. One day
an attractive female colleague gave him lift in her car. When he thanked her, she
smiled and said, “Don’t mention it”.
To which he gravely replied,“No, you rest assured. I won’t tell any one”.

The mother was always correcting her children’s grammar. Once, one of her boys got exasperated and said , “Mum, if i was dying.you would correct my English.”
“If I were, “ she corrected him.

Two professor of English were involved in an accident. One of them was seriously injured. He said to the other, “John I’am done for.”
The other professor said, “I say, don’t talk like that, Don’t end a sentence with a preposition.”

An English Teacher, who was newly appointed in Russian school, wanted to test the intelligence of an average Russian child in Moscow.
“If I buy a pair of socks for 5 roubles and sell it for 20 roubles, what shall I get?” asked the teacher.
“Seven Years!” said the brilliant student of the class.

A very young boy – scout was asked to sell a bunch of subscriptions for a benefit programme. The boy returned in half an hour.
“Have you sold all subscriptions already?”
“Yes, I sold all of them to one man.”
“How’s that?”
“His dog bit me.”

“Why does a poor man give larger tips than a rich man ?”

“It’s simple ! The poor man doesn’t want people to know that he is poor, and the rich man doesn’t want to know he is rich.”

“I remembered having seen you in this very court for the last ten years,” said the Judge to the accused.

“What Can I do, sir?” replied the accused, ” if you could not get promotion ?” 

A man entered a restaurant and ordered roasted chicken.

When it was brought he looked at it and remarked, “This chicken is certainly burned. black.”

“Yes, sir!” said the waiter, “A mark of respect, sir. Our head cooked died yesterday, sir.”