“I have discontinued long talks on account of my throat,” the speaker remarked, “Several people have threatened to cut it.”

Patient to psychiatrist : “Doctor, no body takes me seriously”.

Doctor: “You are Joking.”

The building contractor-asked his young boy what be wanted for Diwali.

“A baby brother,” replied the youngster.

“But it is only 2 weeks to Diwali,” objected the father, and that doesn’t give me enough time.

“I know,” said the child, “but can’t you put more men on the Job ?”

 

A young mother, paying a visit to her doctor, made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But, finally, an extra- loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, “I hope, Doctor, you don’t mind billy being in there.”

“No,” said the Doctor calmly. “He’ll be quiet in moment when he gets to poisons.”

A doctor has been invited to a dinner party by the local vicar. While waiting for dinner, the doctor had a stroll around the churchyard. When the Vicar was asked where the doctor was. he said.” Oh, he has just stepped outside to visit some of his old patients.”

My wife use to play the piano a lot, but since the children came, she doesn’t have the time.”

“Children are a comfort, aren’t they?”

The householder was very much pleased with the way the painter had improved his house. “You did a wonderful job, ” he told the painter, “and I am giving you a little extra for yourself. Take the missus to a show.”

The next evening the bell rang and the painter stood at the door dressed in his finest.

“Yes ? What is it ?” the man asked. “Did you forget something ?” “No”, answered the painter, Just came to take the missus to a show.”

A film  star spent a weekend at a big city hotel. While leaving she presented the manager with a huge bouquet saying. ” They are for your Telephone Operators.”

“What a nice compliment!” said the manager.

“Compliments! Don’t be a fool!” retorted the star, “I thought they were dead.”

Every day, a man used to pass by the beggar – one day, he threw a coin at him. It fell to a side. The beggar got up and took the coin. The man suspiciously asked, Aren’t you the regular blind beggar?”

“No, Sir.” replied the beggar. “The regular blind man has gone to a Cinema. I am sitting in his place, today.”

The priest was explaining the difference between knowledge and faith to his congregation.

“In the front row, “he said, “We have Mr.Heather with his wife and three children.  Now she knows they are her children, that is knowledge. He believes they are his children – that is faith.”