A book by name “How to hold up a bank?” was published and many burglars bought it eagerly. It turned out to be a book on soil erosion.

A Student has to choose between 2 subjects ‘Business’, and ‘History’ . He choose ‘Business’. Asked why he did not choose ‘History’, he replied. “There is no future in History” .

A Senior Botany Professor was advising a young lecturer, “When you go with your students on a botanical tour, always walk a little ahead of them so that you can trample on the specimens you cannot recognize”.

“Writing is a thankless job.”

“who say so? I got all my articles returned with thanks.”

A Political leader was obviously pleased with his new cook.

“You are doing a wonderful Job. Where did you work before coming here ?”

Th Cook replied, “I used to be a cattle – feeder on a farm, sir.”

Villager to Newspaper Editor. “My father died. I want his obituary to be published. How do you charge for it ?”

Editor :  “50 rupees for an inch.”

Villager : “My Good God ! My father’s height is six feet.”

At a dinner for common-wealth heads of state some years ago, the chief of the protocol saw a guest pocket a gold salt – cellar. He asked Churchill what he should do.

“Leave it to me,” said Sir Winston and pocketed a gold Pepper – Shaker. He then turned to the guilty party and whispered. “Oh dear, the chief of protocol saw. We’d better put them both back .” Saying thus, he placed the Pepper Shaker on the table. The guest also immediately put back the salt cellar.

An admirer of Sir Winston Churchill gushed, “doesn’t it thrill you to know every time you make a speech the auditorium is filled to overflowing ?”

“It’s flattering, “ he admitted, “but then I always realize that if , instead of making a speech I was being hanged, the crowd would be three time as big !”

During an English lesson for foreign students, the sentence to be changed to the
past tense was. “He gives her a present.” One student’s prompt reply was ‘He gave
her a past.’

A business – man’s wife went to Paris. She gave a cable from Paris to her husband in America. “Want to buy pearl necklace cost 25,000 dollars.”
The man was busy in a meeting when he got the cable. He shouted the reply to his secretary. “No, price too high.” A few days later the wife returned with the necklace. The husband said, “I did not want to buy it.” The wife showed him the reply cable. It read “No place too high.”